i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize