I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
