they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
