I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
