You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
