youre lurking in front of me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it glows. i had to have it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
