you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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