dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My dick has a subreddit
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize