mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
