I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
