haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
