Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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