I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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