M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
