Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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