I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
