dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
