i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
