I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
