I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
