Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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