i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
