okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize