I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
