While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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