i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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