So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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