Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
