so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
