dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
