Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
