Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
