Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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