are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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