Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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