She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
