I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize