I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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