Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
