he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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