I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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