I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
