i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
