Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need a beard to bite.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am mentally ready for anal.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
