I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
