9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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