my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
