You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
