I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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