I'm so fucking centered right now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
