My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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