Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
