Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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