i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
