Reggie can tackle my bush.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize