just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
