i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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