Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
