Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
