please come you make the beer taste better
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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