I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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