Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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