is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
