All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
