Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
