whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have post one night stand depression
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