so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
