My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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