real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
