you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
