So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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