i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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