well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
