i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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