I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The adults are the big ones right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize