I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
