I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
