when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
