I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
