When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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