I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
