I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
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