He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
