Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's just like the Real World with babies
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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