I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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