I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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