i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
