it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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