I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
