I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
