i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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