you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize