Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
