4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
