Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
