i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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