A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize