Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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