I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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