So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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