Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
