please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
